The Yin & Yang of "Freak-Out Reaction"
I remember freaking out when I was in traffic. Every time I encountered traffic. If another driver passed me aggressively or was driving too slowly in front of me, I would "freak out."
Remembering this "freak out" amuses me now. I must have looked like a cartoon character. Red slowly rising up my usually pale face, perhaps even a little steam rising from my head and out my ears. My muscles would tighten, my heart would pound, my stomach would tie itself in a knot. I would even let out a few colorful phrases and raise my voice to shout at the other cars, as if they could hear me. Does any of this sound familiar?
You might not "freak out" over driving, but you might have other triggers that cause you to physically react to your circumstances. Your reaction might be external: raising your voice, blurting out impulsive comments to people, tightening your body and even pounding your fist in frustration. Alternatively, your reaction might be more internal: your digestive system shuts down or becomes overactive (think IBS), you verbally abuse yourself in your mind, or even withdrawal, metaphorically cocooning yourself away from the trigger.
We are very REACTIVE as human beings. Something happens to us, and we immediately respond, often without a thought. The question is, should we be so reactive? Well, it is useful to react quickly in certain situations, for instance, when a mother grabs her young child before he steps out into a busy street. And of course the body is programmed to react when we encounter danger, like if we hold our hand over an open flame, we're going to jerk it away before we get burned. Or in the case of our ancestors, when they encountered a large animal, their sympathetic nervous system kicked in, and with that rush of adrenaline, blood to the muscles, increased heart rate and blood pressure, they were prepared to fight or flee the situation. In that case, the stress hormones ensured survival, and even in the case of the hot flame or mother saving a child, that sort of "freak out" reaction prevented disaster.
The problem is, that most of us live in "freak out" mode all the time, unnecessarily. We live in a state of chronic stress: high blood pressure and increased heart rate, tense muscles, reduced digestive function, accompanied by a furrowed brow that tells the world to "keep away". Is this the path to happiness, joy, freedom, good health? Certainly not.
What can you do?
Step 1: Recognize the next moment you are in "freak out" mode. Ask yourself, "Is this a life or death situation? Or can I let it go?" Letting it go might seem like the hardest thing in the world in that moment, and you might not want to let it go. And maybe you shouldn't. Which leads you to...
Step 2: Breathe. We DON'T do this enough! Take 3 deep breaths and try to relax your body. Release tension from your shoulders, from your jaw. Soften your belly. Feel the contact of your feet on the ground.
Step 3: What are your options? Outline the possible ways you can react in this situation. For instance, imagine someone cut in front of you in line at the grocery store, without asking and it made you really mad. Your options: a.) You could punch them. b.) You could say something rude to them. c.) You could try to politely say something to them. d.) You could let it go. Maybe they were in more of a hurry than you. Or maybe the universe put them there to slow you down or test your patience. Do you want to "pass" the test?
Step 4: Decide what you should do and do it. Most of the time, the right response will become very clear to you, even if it's the more difficult one to carry out.
Although reading these steps might have taken some time, you can do them all within a matter of seconds. It's just about learning your triggers, and calming the "freak out" urge.
A regular practice of deep breathing and meditation can help you become less reactive to your "freak out" triggers, but can actually help heighten your awareness in situations where you need to react - like those life and death situations. It's the yin and yang of reaction.
Go ahead, try some deep breathing right now, and feel the "other side" of your nervous system, the parasympathetic (which lowers blood pressure and heart rate, and calms the nerves). Flood yourself with peace, light and well being with every breath. Try to sit still and just breathe for 2 minutes. Notice how you feel. Then bring yourself back to this place the next time you get the urge to "freak out."
By the way, I'm a really relaxed driver now. No more red-faced cartoon characters for me!