Unclench Your Jaw, Breathe And Meditate!

As a society, we are fast paced, impatient and stressed out. We want what we want, and we want it now - through clenched teeth and tight shoulders. I remember feeling like this, before I started meditating and doing yoga. I didn't even realize how stressed out I was, until I took my first yoga class. Yoga helped me learn how to tune in to my body and just feel what was going on. I realized that I was flushed, shaky and my shoulders were up around my ears most of the time. And I clenched my teeth and jaw 24 hours a day.

Little by little, I learned to soften my body, to let go of the physical stress and tension. It all started with simple awareness and breathing - you can do it too. Learn to check in with your body. Stop and ask yourself, "how am I feeling right now in this moment?" If you feel tension somewhere specific, see if you can soften it a bit. Unclench your teeth and jaw. Soften your mouth as much as you can. Soften your eyes and the space between your eyebrows. Relax your shoulders. Notice your breathing.

Then deepen your breath. Long, slow deep breaths, in and out through the nose, or in through the nose and out through the mouth. Relax your body even more. Sit and breathe like this for between 2 and five minutes, with your eyes closed. Do it now.

Congratulations, you've just started meditating! That's all there is to it. It is simple, but it is not always easy. Your mind might wander; your to-do list might creep into your head, just try to let it go and refocus on relaxing your body and breathing deeply. The more you practice, the better you'll feel.

There are many techniques and methods to meditation. This is just one. If you encouter trouble with being comfortable in your seated position, or if other specific matters come up. I can help you through them, either in private sessions or in my group meditation classes. Check my Schedule for my next Meditation Workshop in the Pittsburgh area.

Learning to let go of stress can help bring your body into a greater state of health and your mind into a more focused, calm place. Plus, you can experience more happiness in your life overall! Doesn't that sound worth it - for just five minutes a day?

 

How To Be Happy Through the Holidays

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, it may alight upon you.” ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

All of us have expectations. We expect our day to unfold in a particular way. We expect to eat something specific for lunch, we expect a meeting to go smoothly, we expect other people to behave in a certain way. Whether these expectations are positive or negative, it doesn’t matter, we are grasping for a certain picture of the way we think things "should be.”

I find myself doing this each and every holiday season. My expectations are usually hopeful:  that everything will be beautiful; that peace and love will be opening the hearts of my family and friends; that my children will somehow be grateful and thankful; that I won't be stressed; that we will all come together in friendly gatherings and share our lives over perfect, delicious meals. Many of you might laugh at this, because I’m obviously setting myself up for disappointment, right?

But what if your expectations were on the negative side? I’ve had this experience too: to expect that there will be hurt feelings and disagreements; that certain people will not get along despite the jovial season; that tension will hang in the air so thickly that the new year can’t cut through it fast enough. Does this sound like your expectations of the holiday season or a particular gathering?

Even if your expectations fall somewhere in between, you are still setting yourself up to be unhappy. Because all of these expectations fool us into a false sense of security. We really don’t know what will happen from one moment to the next. This uncertainty is not something that should be feared, but embraced. Allow things to unfold before you and be curious about each moment, with an “I wonder what will happen” perspective. Children get so much joy out of life because they don’t have all the years of experience and expectation that adults do. Try to find that inner child and imagine each experience is new - as if you were living it for the first time.

But we ARE adults. How can we let go of those expectations? After all, we are experts at expecting.

Here’s what I suggest:

1. Tell yourself ahead of time - before a gathering or event - that you are going to practice having a “clean slate” mentality, and you’re going to let go of judgements and/or expectations about people and how the event will unfold.

2. Take deep breaths. Have a mantra in your head, a phrase like “isn’t that interesting” to replace a judgmental thought, or “just this” to remind you to stay present and stop the expectations.

3. Now is the time to start a meditation practice - it can help you be more calm, centered and happy! Every day, spend 5 minutes or longer practicing deep breathing and/or reciting a mantra. Mantras are great ways to help our minds to focus and to let go of the ongoing judgmental chatter that we all have about ourselves and others. Create your own mantra - part of a poem, prayer, just a short phrase - anything will work, so long as it's positive and has meaning for you. Traditional yogic mantras can be helpful too and have beautiful meanings. A very simple one is "So Hum," which translates as “I am; I am truth and peace, they are within me.”

Good luck and Happy Holidays to you! I am expecting to be present with whatever unfolds this holiday season. Here’s to hoping that if we sit still, happiness will alight upon us, when we least expect it.

If you want to learn more about meditation in the Pittsburgh, PA area, please check out my next Meditation Workshop on Sunday, December 4.

What Are You Carrying? Part 2: Seva, With a Side of Perspective

After returning home from my eye-opening, spiritual experience in Costa Rica this past February, I found myself wanting more. I wanted to have more experiences that cracked open my heart, that made me forget about the details of life, that made me feel pure connection and joy. I found myself searching for the “next place” to go. The next retreat, the next escape (although at this point I didn’t see it as an escape, but as a way of finding how to live life to its fullest).

I met a girl who spent a couple of months living in an ashram. She told me about her experience, meditating and doing yoga every morning at 4:30am; then doing her “seva” practice. When you’re living in an ashram, they feed you, provide you housing, meditation & yoga instruction (for a very small fee), and you practice “seva” or selfless service. You help to take care of the ashram -- cooking, cleaning, whatever needs done. This girl told me about how her job was vacuuming and mopping a particular area, every day. And just like with any meditation practice, she was resistant to it at first. She asked herself, “Why do I have to vacuum today, when I just did it yesterday? The floor can’t be that dirty...we remove our shoes.” But it was her seva. It didn’t really matter what it was, it was her duty. It wasn’t about whether or not she wanted to do it or if it needed done. It was selfless duty (a lesson to let go of the fickle desires of the self/ego). And so after many days of resistance, she slowly began to accept it, and then to be truly present with the job. She even began to enjoy it. She was still “doing” the same physical movement, the same “chore,” but her perspective changed, and so her whole experience of it changed.

I thought, “Wow, that’s an enlightening shift, right there.” And for about two days I thought, “I want to go to an ashram. I want that simplicity. I want to learn to practice seva.”  Then, as if I were struck by lightning, it occurred to me, that life is only as complicated as we make it. Let me say that again. Life is only as complicated as we make it. And our experience of life is all about our perspective and our expectations. What she experienced at the ashram was a radical shift in perspective.

It occurred to me that my seva (selfless) practice was at home, caring for my family. Cleaning and caring for my own home, for my own children. Why couldn’t I experience that perspective shift here, instead of at an ashram? The floors need vacuumed here! I could, if I just changed my perspective.  My “lightning” moment was telling me that I was right where I needed to be. I just needed to open my eyes and be present for the possibilities for seva all around me. If, instead of resenting the act of cleaning (thinking about how everyone messes everything up and I’m often the only one who cleans it up), I could take this opportunity to do seva. It needs to be cleaned. I CAN do it. I am thankful that I have a strong, healthy body that enables me to do this work that needs to be done. With this change in perspective, I am not only doing my seva duty, but I am unburdening myself of the stress and resentment I might otherwise carry if I was clinging to my old perspective.

The other part of this perspective shift is finding ways to un-complicate life. My experience in Costa Rica was so simple; this girl’s description of life in the ashram was so simple...I longed for simplicity. When I returned home, I felt like we had too much stuff and we did too much, everything was too much for my senses after living so simply and enjoying it. My perspective at first turned to resent all that we had -- I wanted to be rid of it. After my husband insisted that it wasn’t practical for us to sell our house or to give everything away, I realized that what needed to change wasn’t the situation, but my attachment to an “idea” of how my life should be, instead of accepting and being grateful for what I have -- what was right in front of me. I made my life un-complicated in an instant, with a simple perspective shift. (Although I did have behavior changes that accompanied my perspective shift here -- like giving away many things we didn’t need anymore and being mindful to not accumulate things we don’t need. A daily gratitude practice has been key too.)

To un-complicate your life, I suggest just taking a look at your complications. Open your eyes to a new perspective, try to see things in a different way. It often starts with simply appreciating all that you have in life. We ALL have much to be thankful for. Be grateful for your body and what it can do. Be grateful for the love and friendship in your life. Give thanks for the job that helps you provide food to nourish your body, for the home that provides you shelter. You can approach everything “complicated” in your life like this, simply by radically shifting your perspective to one of learning -- ask what you can learn from each situation in your life. Sometimes perhaps you need to make a real change in behavior, but often, life is trying to teach us to let go of our iron-clad perspective, to let go of our stubborn ego, to drop that heavy load we’re carrying and to shift to thoughts of seva - of selflessness. Just for a moment, let go of your desires, your ideas of what you “want” things to be and simply see how things are and accept them, even appreciate them. See all the ways you support the loved ones in your life; think of all the ways you practice seva. Maybe you can do even more seva somewhere in your life.

Letting go of your old perspectives and practicing seva will help you wake up from the illusion that things are not going "your way." You will suddenly understand that you create your own reality. You can decide to be present, to learn in each moment, to live in joy or in misery each day, no matter what your circumstances. Today, I choose joy. I hope you do too!

Restorative Yoga

Restorative Yoga is a deeply nurturing practice in which your body is supported by blankets, bolsters, pillows, and other supports. Taking a few minutes - up to 20 - in a pose like this can help you deeply relax and recharge. Practiced regularly, you can reduce overall stress in your life and live more fully, being present, calm and focused. Try to set yourself up like this picture. Make sure you're comfy, and let go.  Make sure the roll under your upper back is beneath the shoulder blades, not the ribcage. You should feel an opening to the upper chest area.