When I attend these sorts of retreats, I learn a lot of lessons about myself, my tendencies, reactions, and feelings. I gain clarity, can see mistakes I've made, and feel when I'm on the right path with my intentions. At the completion of a retreat like this, I enjoy looking over my notes and making a list of lessons learned ... things to share, that I think might be helpful to everyone in one way or another. Here is my top ten list of things I learned or realized this weekend.

1. Let it go.  We all worry too much, we do too much, we think too much. This not only causes stress and robs us of our joy, but it also separates us further from our source, the light, the peace that is within us all. We need to stop expecting things to be perfect and battling ourselves and those around us when they aren't. Krishna Das said, "You can't save the whole world, so save yourself... Then do what you can to help others around you." The key here is practicing letting go of our ideas about how things "should" be. And start accepting "what is." If you can do that, you will begin to feel okay ... eventually, you might even feel joy. 

2. We are already whole. A person or an object cannot "fill our void." Again and again I heard this message in different ways over the weekend. We often expect our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, children, parents, homes, cars, jewelry, clothes and more ... to "give us" that indefinable thing ... a feeling, a sense of security, wholeness or happiness. But the truth is, we are already whole. We were born with an innate sense of joy and well-being. Life's trials sometimes make us forget. We lose our joy and are looking for it outside of ourselves. Look within. It is there! Try to reconnect with your inner joy. Meditate a few minutes a day, perhaps thinking of the joy on a baby's or child's face. Visualize yourself filled with light. This is within you and you can access it any time you try.

3. We can access light and joy anytime (continuing along the lines of number 2). Life offers us challenges. Bad things happen. It is okay to feel sadness and frustration. That is part of our human experience. But when you feel like you're drowning, know somewhere deep inside that you have the power to lift yourself up and see a different perspective. The joy that you were born with is there for a reason. That spontaneous feeling of happiness that sometimes comes over you, even when your life isn't perfect ... you can learn to find it again and again. Challenges and obstacles aren't there to bring you down or make you depressed. They are there to teach you. What a blessing to have the opportunity to learn and grow around every corner. Isn't that what life is about? If you can access your sense of peace amidst difficulty then you can feel joy regardless of your circumstances. The Dalai Lama, when asked if he is happy, always says a resounding yes - despite the fact that he became a leader at a very young age, was forced into exile and watched as his people were slaughtered by Chinese troops. He has not had an easy life, but he chooses to not let it wear on him or make him bitter. He chooses to be happy. I believe we can do this too. It's not easy and we're not perfect, but we can try!

4. All things change. Change is inevitable. Our children do not stay babies forever. In nature, the seasons change, and even each winter is unlike another. Everything changes. We experience suffering and sadness when we expect things to stay the same. Why do we do this? If we can accept that things are changing within us and all around us in every moment, think of how much easier it would be to find joy and happiness. When you are sad or upset or frustrated, consider, is it because you expected things to be the same ... and something has changed? This is life on our earth. All things change. The more we can learn to accept change, the happier we will be.

5. Nothing dies. It just changes form. In listening to a recorded lecture from Swami Satchindananda, I was inspired when he said this. "A tree is a tree ... until someone cuts it down and makes it into a table. It is still wood, still the tree, just in different form. Then if the table breaks, it becomes firewood, but still the tree, in a sense. Even when it is burned, its essence doesn't disappear, but it turns to ash. Simply another form of the tree." Of course he related this to people, that our essence is the same, but our bodies change, from babies to children, to adults, to elderly people. This is our bodies experiencing change. We are the same on the inside, our essence is the same when we are a young person as when we are old. I can also relate this to other things in life ... When a marriage ends, for instance ... it is simply a relationship changing form. It is not a death, but rather a change, from a love of one kind, to a love of another. Think about this when experiencing any change in your life, be it divorce, career change, or death of a loved one. Rumi says, "Do not grieve, everything you lose comes around in another form." I am beginning to see and believe this. 

6. Give without expecting anything in return. And you will be given a great gift when you do this. How can we live a happy, fulfilled life? The message I hear again and again from so many sources is to give. First we must learn to give to ourselves ... to fill ourselves up with love, to accept ourselves, be gentle on ourselves. Once you can begin to do that, you can share your compassion with others. This can be very simple, something small like smiling and saying good morning to everyone you meet. You will be affecting so many people if you can do this. The happy side effect is that when you share something as simple as a smile, your own happiness grows. It feels good to give and share. So don't think in terms of large gestures or time or money when we discuss "giving." Start with the people closest to you. Offer them your pure warmth, a smile, kindness, a listening ear. See what happens.

7. Be careful with your words. Most religions teach the importance of telling the truth. Satya in yoga is truth. But is is crucial to combine the truth with Ahimsa - in yoga this means compassion or non-harming. While honesty is important, consider how your message will be received, consider the timing, and carefully consider your words. I have always strived to be an honest person, and this weekend, while sitting at lunch listening to a reading from the swami, I was blown away by the realization that telling the truth is NOT about me. It should be done in consideration of the other person. Are they ready to hear what you have to say? How can you phrase it most compassionately? While there are two parts to communication, the giver and the receiver, and much has to do with the interpretation of the receiver, their world view, their state of mind, their emotional triggers, etc. ... the giver needs to try his or her best to consider these things before offering words. Words can inspire people or do incredible harm. Choose yours carefully. I know this is something I will continue to work on.

8. Don't think too much or over analyze. This usually brings us into a fearful or judgmental state. Our fear limits and shadows us. Instead, learn to recognize your fear as simply ... a reaction ... not truth, not something to necessarily analyze ... We return to number 1, Let it go. We often whine to ourselves or others, "why me?" Why did this happen to me or my family or my friend. We might spend hours thinking about it, analyzing the why's and how's. The answer of how to get through it is usually simple. It doesn't matter why or how you got into your circumstances. The point is, you're there. Try to muster the best version of yourself to work through it, letting go of fear along the way. We are presented with challenges in life to learn from them, to grow. Everyone's life has both happiness and sadness, good times and bad. Our goal should be to move through with equanimity. One of my favorite quotes by the Buddha, "Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all." Or as Krishna Das said, "Stuff happens. Let it go and move on. Your stuff isn't who you are."

9. Be strong and light. Swami Satchindananda wrote, "if you walk into a room where 15 people are crying, and you start crying too, you're only adding to the misery. Do something else instead. Be compassionate, help lift them up." This refers back to both number 3, we can access light and joy anytime, and number 6, give without expecting anything in return. I believe we are here to help and support each other in life. So whenever you see someone struggling, do your best to be strong and supportive and joyful, even if you're not feeling strong or joyful yourself. Fake it till you make it. The funny thing is, the more you "pretend" or imagine that you are strong and peaceful, the more you actually become those things.

10. A friend recently reminded of the simple inspiration of the Serenity Prayer. It sums up my lessons learned from this weekend, plus I added my own spin to the end. This certainly describes my intentions as I journey through this life. I hope you are inspired too.

May I have the Strength to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, Wisdom to know the difference, and an Open Heart to Illuminate my path.

Peace, Love and Light to each of you! Thank you for reading!

~ Joni

“Three quarters of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world would finish if people were to put on the shoes of their adversaries and understood their points of view”

~ Mahatma Gandhi 

 “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

"There's a mouse in there," said Ellen, as she briskly headed toward her room.

I froze. "What? I need to take a shower."

"Oh, well, he probably won't bother you," she smiled as she closed her door.

I decided to walk to the opposite end of the building and find a mouse-free bathroom, so I could take a shower in peace. I shuttered in fear and discomfort of just the idea of a wiggly little mouse wandering around the bathroom floor. So for days, I avoided the "mouse bathroom." I wouldn't even go in there to brush my teeth, but rather I'd take a long walk to use another bathroom.

One day, I thought that maybe I was being silly about all this. So when nature called, I went into the mouse bathroom. There was no sign of him. It was okay! I went into one of the stalls.

When I emerged, moments later...there he was, by the sink. The mouse! He saw me, and squeaked in fear. He started running in circles, then tried to climb up the side of the trash can, but slid back down. In a panic, he ran into one corner, then another, trying to find a place to hide ... from me.

Oddly, I didn't panic, scream, or run in fear. In that moment, I was still, just watching the little mouse. I saw and felt his fear. In that moment, as he finally found a little crack in the tile floor under the radiator that he could crawl into, I realized that I ... am the mouse ... that we ALL are like the mouse sometimes.

As fear of the unknown strikes us, we panic, we run, we cry out, we hide. I was flooded with compassion in this bolt of awareness ... compassion for the mouse, for my family, my friends, my loved ones, and for myself. Fear is something we all experience when we feel threatened, or when we are hurt, either physically or emotionally. It's a reaction to protect ourselves from harm.

Sometimes we might fear a literal danger, as in a life threatening situation. But sometimes, our fear ... is over something as small as a mouse. We all experience fear as part of life, every living thing does. But as humans, we have this wonderful gift of awareness...we can step back and recognize our fear, look it in the face, and breathe. And sometimes, if we're able to do that, the fear fades. Sometimes, if we can step back from the emotional intensity of our fear, we can open our hearts to love, instead ... like I did with the mouse. I released my own fear and realized that he (the mouse) and I shared something in common ... and that I could chose to react differently. 

In my life, as I feel the fear of life changes descending upon me, I make it a practice of trying to let go of my fear ... and instead, I turn to faith ... faith and trust that the universe or God is guiding me in the direction in which I need to go ... that there are lessons to learn around every corner, if I just keep my eyes and my heart open ... even when there's a mouse in the bathroom. 

From wall street firms to tech companies, many organizations are making yoga and meditation part of their environment, as part of a corporate wellness initiative. Participants often report a greater ability to relax, greater energy and enthusiasm for life, improved self-esteem, and increased ability to cope more effectively with stressful situations. 

This translates into a happier, healthier, more productive work environment.

Consider a one hour office yoga and meditation class to kickoff your next quarterly meeting, or offer a yoga class once a week during the lunch hour.

If you're interested in learning more, contact me. Let me know who I can talk to in your company to set up office yoga for you and your co-workers.

Follow these steps on your busiest days and open your eyes to your own strength and grace under pressure.

1. Start your day with a bit of exercise...even 2 sets of 20 jumping jacks plus 10 to 20 push ups (knees up or knees on floor). This will only take 5 minutes, but it will help release stress-relieving hormones and make you feel more relaxed. Exercise for a full 30 minutes if you can. This could mean doing yoga, walking, running, lifting weights, dancing around your room, or just moving your body with the intent to release your nerves and let go of your stress.
2. Then sit still for five minutes. Try...to be quiet and just breathe. Don't run your to-do list through your head. Instead focus on your deep breathing, trying to make each breath a little longer and slower and more comfortable. Set a timer. You HAVE five minutes to do this.
3. Eat Breakfast...a good one. When you're in a rush and "skip" a meal, you're not fueling your body for the needs of the day. It's like expecting your car to take you on a 100 mile road trip and you only have 10 miles of gas in the tank. Eat an egg or two with some fresh fruit...or a warm bowl of oatmeal topped with fresh fruit and a drizzle of honey or agave nectar...or a slice of whole grain bread with peanut butter...These things don't have to take a long time to prepare or consume. Pack them to-go or make them the night before. You will feel better prepared for what lies ahead.
4. When you're in the storm of your day...when you are feeling tension and pressure creep in...when you feel like you can't take any more...STOP...ROOT...and BREATHE. STOP what you're doing and freeze in place, whether you're standing, sitting, no matter where you are. Close your eyes and ROOT yourself into the ground. Imagine growing roots from your feet, into the earth. Take three long slow deep BREATHS. This should only take about 1 minute. And you DO have one minute to do this exercise. When you're finished, continue on with the tasks at hand. You might do this just one time on your busiest day, or you might do it a dozen times. But YOU are worth the time. This will change your perspective and reaction significantly.
5. If you find that every day is "your busiest day," then you might need to reassess your schedule. Go through and remove 2 or 3 things each week that are not absolutely essential or necessary. . We all have things we can cut out of our schedule. You must find balance between the energy you fuel yourself with - and energy output - what you give. If there is an imbalance there, you will feel stressed. Ask yourself what you can change to come closer to that delicate balance in your life, where you can feel more ease, and less "busyness." Ask for help if you need it.

It can be tough to figure out on your own. If you need support, I can help. I work with people to help them do just this...find balance in life. If you're interested in a personal wellness evaluation, send me a message and let me know. Your health, wellness and sense of balance includes the foods you eat, your level of physical activity, level of satisfaction with life, sense of purpose, lifestyle and more.  I'd be happy to support you on your journey to be your best self.

Its almost an accepted part of our culture...turn on any number of television shows and you’ll find a woman drowning her sorrows in a pint...or a half gallon of ice cream. When we're feeling emotional, we can turn to food to comfort us, to make the loneliness or sadness go away.

What’s important to realize is that we don’t need food in that moment. What we really need is a hug. Or to laugh with a good friend. Or to take a walk around the block and feel the sun, the rain, or even the snow on our skin. We need to get our of our heads and be present. Find other ways to nourish your soul, other than food.

This is not to say that food itself isn’t nourishing to the soul or that we shouldn't enjoy the occasional ice cream, chocolate or cookie. Who can resist a special dessert made by your mom or grandmother...this can feed our memories, our emotions, and our tastebuds with joy. But the key in finding balance and stability here is mindfulness. Mindful eating.

What does that mean, exactly?

It means that after an argument with your best friend, catch yourself as you storm into the kitchen and open the fridge or the pantry. And you ask yourself what you really need in that moment. Are you hungry? Do you need to call your friend and chat? Do you need to snuggle up with your dog or your kitty for a bit? Maybe you need to walk or run off your frustrations. What do you really need?

If you decide that you want a treat, or anytime you’re eating something very rich or flavorful, stop for a moment and follow these mindful eating steps.

1. Assess your hunger. Close your eyes and feel your body. Tune into your stomach. Scale your actual hunger from one to ten, ten being ravenous.

2. Use your senses (everything but taste) to explore the food you’re going to eat. Really investigate its texture, its color, its shape and smell, whether it’s hot or cold. Savor it with your eyes and nose, even touch it with your fingers.

3. Give thanks for the food. Not just to your higher power, but consider all the people who were involved in bringing you this food...the stock person at the grocery store, the farmer who grew the ingredients, the earth for growing them, or if it’s an animal product, thank the animal who gave its life or its milk. Have a sincere moment of gratitude.

4. Put the food in your mouth and savor it. Don’t chew right away. Feel it sitting on your tongue, then rolling around in your mouth. When you chew, notice what changes. Experience the texture, the flavor, every detail, down to choosing when to swallow and noticing how you feel after. Notice any after taste.

5. Assess your hunger after this bite. Notice how your belly feels, your body, your mind.

6. Repeat this with each bite of your special treat. Go slowly. There is no rush.

A number of things will happen if you follow these steps. First, you will move from a place of eating mind-lessly, from gobbling something down without even tasting it, from hoping that a full belly will help fill whatever is lacking or upsetting you in that moment...to a place where you are mindful and present. This is meditative eating. It will not only calm you and center you, but you will have an explosively sensual experience just eating one bite. You may not even choose to eat more. By slowing down and bringing great awareness to this process, you can heal, you can feel alive and learn to savor. Also, you will eat less..a lot less. And you will be okay with that. You will finally be nourished by your food, instead of consumed by it.

"Patience, young grasshopper." ~ Master Po (from 70's Kung Fu television series)

My encounter with a giant grasshopper in Costa Rica last year taught me not only a lesson in patience, but a lot about fear and how it affects us all.

Grasshoppers in Costa Rica are about 8 inches long and several inches wide - they're huge! They flitted around the retreat center where I was staying, especially at dawn and dusk. I tried to stay away from them, as I'm sure they preferred to stay away from me.

Then, one night after a beautiful kirtan (form of meditative singing), I was walking back to my room gazing up at the starry night sky...feeling centered, calm and peaceful. I headed down the stone stairwell to my ground floor room, where I came upon a woman standing frozen, trembling with fear.

"What is it?" I asked her, "Are you okay?"

She simply pointed to the giant grasshopper in the middle of her path. He was quite obviously stuck in the stairwell. Every time he would fly up or jump, he'd run into a wall or step.

"When I try to pass," she whispered, "it flies up and at me...it's going to fly at me...I can't...I can't pass."

Now I am not a huge fan of insects. Especially not ones the size of a rat. Yes, I felt a bit of fear, myself. But I metaphorically stepped back and realized that if I were to remain frozen, I would be reacting to this situation with more fear. And this trembling woman didn't need any more fear. She needed love, reassurance, an outstretched hand.

And so I said, "Take my hand, we'll go together. It will be alright. We'll run."

She simply stood, frozen, shaking her head "no."

"You go," she said.

I stood there, encouraging her, reasoning with her, putting my hand on her shoulder. Still, she wouldn't budge, she was paralyzed by her fear. And so I went, to show her it was okay. I ran past the giant grasshopper. It flitted up for just a moment, then landed on its step again. I encouraged her from the other side. We stood in the stairwell for about 10 minutes, until a second woman heading down the stairs, stopped on the scene.

I had seen this second woman before. There was something incredibly serene about her. Upon hearing the fear in the first woman's voice, the second woman, without hesitation, slowly and calmly walked down the steps and covered the panicked grasshopper with a piece of her long dress, saying "shh...shh.." the whole time. Then she looked up at the first woman and said, "You can pass now."

The first woman ran by the second woman and me, saying she had to get to her room. She called out a thank you as she continued on her way. I stayed and watched, as the second woman gently scooped up the grasshopper and released it from its stairwell prison, gently placing it on the grass in front of our rooms, to flit off into the night with relief.

Wow. I remember thinking. We are all afraid of something. Fear is part of our human experience. Some of us might be afraid of illness, loss, change...or maybe something small...like a giant grasshopper.

And we all have a choice in how to respond to that fear. We can remain frozen. We can run. Or we can react from a compassionate loving place, be calm, and face the fear from that space.  

The next time you feel fear creeping in, try to stop, close your eyes and breathe...think of the giant grasshopper...and what you would do.